Woe to you o earth and sea, for the Dodge sends the Hellcat with wrath, because he knows the time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the Hellcat, for it is a Vehicle Identification Number. Its number is six hundred and sixty-six. For the well-heeled acolyte of the Beast, perhaps one of the few who wended his way through fake-out checkpoints to scope the Satanic Temple’s one-ton Baphomet statue in Detroit over the weekend, there are currently only two vehicles you’d rightly consider owning. One is a 204-mph Charger Hellcat with a VIN ending in 666. The other is this 666-VIN, 707-horsepower Sublime Pearl Challenger, which happens to be for sale right this moment!
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The seller would like $89,000 for his troubles. Presumably, since you’re in the market, you’ve already hocked your soul at B.L.Z. Bub’s Jewelry & Loan, so you’re likely going to need some other form of collateral. Or, you know, the cash monies, if you traded eternal torment for a lifetime of guitar-shred skillz. Ask Yngwie Malmsteen how much he’s been raking in as of late and you’ll see why supernatural Wall Street powers might’ve been the smart bargain to make.
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By the way, we ran into a gentleman who’d recently purchased a Charger Hellcat. While he didn’t divulge the price he paid, he suggested that he is still experiencing some discomfort in the posterior region. In that light, maybe $89k isn’t so bad. According to the ad, the car comes with the seats still wrapped, all warning stickers in place, the all-important six-speed manual, shipping docs, window stickers, and the build sheet. In short, it’s primed to be placed in storage and hauled out to Barrett-Jackson in 35 years. But you, dear minion of Old Scratch, you’re just gonna drive the damn wheels off it and then dump it in the River Styx. Aren’t you?
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